However, this may have already begun well before you became aware of any issue. They are pretenders, and they tell lies. They’re able to tell both white and black falsehoods with remarkable ease, and without any sense of remorse or regret. They have no difficulty playing the part—seeming like everything is fine while secretly spreading rumors about you behind your back.
This is a common tactic used by narcissistic siblings and other narcissistic family members, acquaintances, co-workers, exes, and partners—typically to hide their abusive connections with those people.
Ultimately, narcissists need to feel like they’re in a position of power over others. However, anyone on the destructive narcissism spectrum would find your strength and personal power to be highly troublesome. Even how beautiful and enticing they may have seemed at the beginning of the relationship dynamic, the simple truth is this: you won’t be easy to manage, dominate, deceive, or control. You’ll be too difficult—or too hard—to handle.
In truth, those who are deemed overly powerful by narcissists are actually independent thinkers. They are not readily swayed by the views of others. They are self-actualized, to the point where they can live their own lives free from the crap the narcissist usually brings to the table. And they exude assurance, boundaries, independence, and clarity.
Individuals who are capable of independent thought and action, who are in touch with their emotions, and who have faith in their own judgment are less likely to feel the need to constantly seek approval and validation from others. They are more likely to rely on their own good judgment and a solid sense of self-worth. This is obviously not the type of person the narcissist wants to have around to engage in sick games with.
If you manage to set off a narcissist with your own sense of strength, confidence, courage, and personal power, that narcissist will not only try to discredit and slander you in front of others, but they will also seize any chance they can to bring you down a peg or two. If they find a mistake, weakness, failure, or perceived lack, they’ll be happy to point it out. What’s more, they’ll hold your bad record and other failures over your head to blackmail you. They’ll relish the opportunity to exploit your history against you, and they’ll do so by displaying it proudly on the wall—like an antique.
No matter how much time has passed, how much you’ve matured, or how much you’ve changed, that moment will always be a part of you. They’ll use it as an excuse for just about anything. They will enjoy picking at your weak spots in an effort to make you question your own abilities and value.
That is to say, they will intentionally create and increase your feelings of guilt, shame, fear, inadequacy, and insecurity—if only to keep you in line and humbled. When in fact all this craziness stems from their own internalized, yet unacknowledged, sentiments of inadequacy.
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