I think this is a really good lesson that we can learn from narcissists. You can not care what other people think and still not be yourself. Also, you see, someone who doesn’t have the ability to self-reflect and to be truly vulnerable cannot be authentic, because in those things you’ll find authenticity.
A narcissist projects and believes in a false version of themselves—a version that is perfect. And we know that no one can be perfect. A version of themselves that is better, superior to everyone else, and we know that’s not reality. So if it’s not real, it’s not authentic.
And another thing that a narcissist will never have—this one really speaks to the element of karma—is genuine happiness. Narcissists are always looking for external validation. This is what we call narcissistic supply. And it can look different for different people. Sometimes it’s a romantic partner. Sometimes they bury themselves in their work. There are lots of different ways a narcissist can get narcissistic supply, but it’s essentially all about external validation.
And we’ve all fallen into the trap of seeking, or getting too wrapped up in, external validation. If you can relate to that, you probably understand very well that external validation brings something that feels like happiness, but it is extremely fleeting. So you’ll get a dopamine hit from that external validation. But when the external validation leaves, so does the dopamine. So do all those good feelings. And then what you’re left with is yourself.
As the saying goes, no matter where I go, there I am. You can’t run away from your problems, and you can’t run away from yourself. So if all you’re doing is seeking external validation and you’re not doing any inner work to help improve your own internal well-being, it’s not genuine happiness—and it’s not sustainable.
This is why narcissists constantly seek that external validation. This is why they’re so driven to seek supply. Because without supply, what are they left with? There’s really nothing there. They don’t allow themselves the vulnerability to dig deep and even feel the negative emotions for too long. And they don’t have that deep-seated happiness that they might be after. So they have no choice but to continue seeking external validation.
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