They may make a strange facial expression and say, “Did I really do this? Seriously, did something like this really happen?” That becomes extremely confusing, because their confusion can look so real that you start questioning your reality, your truth, your certainty. But the truth is, they remember things from the place where they look innocent and you look guilty.
They do not remember the truth as truth. They remember the version that protects their ego.
A normal human being records memories like a security camera. It simply captures what happened. But a narcissist’s brain acts like a corrupt Hollywood editor. When they do something deeply abusive, their ego cannot handle the shame of being the bad guy. So their brain instantly goes into the editing room. It cuts out the footage of them lying, cheating, or screaming and splices together a completely fake alternate movie where they were just defending themselves.
Clinically, this is called confabulation. They fill in the gaps of their memory with self-serving lies. When they look at you with a blank stare and say that never happened, they’re not always just lying to you. In many cases, they have actively talked themselves into believing their own fabricated movie.
Moving on to the next aspect, we have to look at how they experience psychological tunnel vision. Think about the last time you tried to hold them accountable. What happened? You brought up a massive betrayal.
Let’s say they burned the entire house down, but during your explanation, you accidentally got the time of day wrong. Instantly, the narcissist experiences tunnel vision. They ignore the burning house entirely and zoom in like a sniper on that one incorrect detail: “I was not there at 4:00 p.m. I was there at 5:00 p.m. You’re a liar. You always make things up.”
This is a crazy-making tactic. By giving all their focus to your tiny mistake, they completely minimize their massive abuse. They shrink their view of reality down to the size of a keyhole so they don’t have to look at the monster standing in the room.
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