Because your nervous system is massively and chronically dysregulated. It’s been stuck in a state of fight, flight, or freeze for a long time—and now it has become your dominant state. That shouldn’t be the case. The opposite should be dominant: rest and digest. Fight, flight, and freeze should take over only occasionally.
How did it become your dominant state? Because you were in the presence of that predator—an animal, a tiger, a lion—24/7. There was no break, no respite. Your nervous system decided: this is what we have to do. We have to keep this person alive, at what expense? We’re going to reallocate our resources and use them for survival.
One example is cortisol. You hear it all the time—there are cortisol spikes, and cortisol is released in excess in trauma survivors. That’s true. But what does that cortisol do at a metabolic level? It breaks down your muscles. Truly, it does. More energy is needed to keep analyzing the environment, keep fighting that narcissist, keep fighting abuse. And that’s how you feel fatigued—which can lead to muscle loss.
Your internal biochemical processes—everything in between—are changed to keep you here, running all the time. Your anxiety isn’t your enemy; it’s an altered state triggered by your body to keep you up and running—to expect the worst, because worst was the only thing that was happening.
How can you reverse this anxiety?
First, it will take time. It’s not a one-day job. It takes months—8 months minimum—and sometimes years.
What do you have to do in those years? You have to stabilize your nervous system through regulation work. I say it all the time: you have to make yourself feel safe emotionally and environmentally. That’s when your body will let go and finally readjust your inner clock, your inner systems—so your nervous system starts working properly for you.
2) Obsessive-Compulsive Tendencies
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