The reason they see these emotions as weaknesses is because they’re only thinking about themselves and their perspective. They see your emotions as something that they can, and likely will, exploit. Similarly, narcissists also see vulnerability as a sign of weakness—and this is also something that they will never have. The reason why they won’t have vulnerability is because they aren’t connected to those parts of themselves.
If you’ve known a narcissist for long enough, you know that they’re not really capable of any deep level of self-reflection. And so they’re not accessing those deep levels of emotions. With a narcissist, there’s so much that’s suppressed because they really need to see this grandiose version of themselves that they’ve built up in their heads—this perfect version of themselves that can’t be wrong and can’t have all those human flaws that the rest of the world is plagued with.
So now let’s dig a little bit deeper into that self-reflection. A narcissist really does lack the self-awareness necessary to improve and better themselves. After all, if you think you’re already perfect—or if you already think you know everything—then there’s nothing left to learn. If you think you’re perfect, there’s nothing left to improve.
And this really stands in the way of having a healthy relationship with anyone, because we all make mistakes. We’re all human and flawed. And self-development is a lifelong process. Once you feel like you’ve gotten to the point where, “Okay, I’m done. I’m healed. I’m fully developed. I have nowhere else to go,” that’s when you’re in trouble.
Because even when you’re healing wounds from the past, even when you’re unpacking some maybe bad behaviors that you’ve had and addressing them and moving forward, there’s always new stuff that’s added to the mix. There’s always new stuff that’s kicked up as you start doing that healing work. So if you’re on this journey—if you’re doing the healing work—understand that it is a process. And this is why it’s really important to have patience with yourself.
This is definitely a journey, but it’s a journey that a narcissist will never go on, because they cannot. It’s very painful for them to have that level of self-reflection.
Another thing that a narcissist will never have is the ability to fully trust another. And for this one, I always go back to empathy. I know how difficult it is to understand what it’s like to live without empathy—or to live with a severe deficiency in empathy. So understanding the mindset of a narcissist is very difficult for someone who has a healthy amount of emotional empathy.
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